Drama Queen supreme (forever and ever)

Not being the center of attention I want to be
versus
Being the center of attention I don't want to be
I am an invisible monster
and I am incapable of loving anyone
and I don't know which is worse
Well which do you prefer?
My finger on the trigger or....
So I admit it
I pulled the trigger
I am the reason I am ugly
inside and out
I envy you
but secretly
You envy me too
and I'm left in the wake
of Chanel #5 and the fire
Estrogen and Aubergine dreams
flicker.blink.flicker.squint
step-pause-step
I'm a model of what not to be
Sorry, Mom. Sorry, God.
or am I?
You're eyes say
overdose (on) baby blue
Darvons and Valiums
Your new best friends
and to think
You don't even want this
Give me jealousy.
Flash.
Give me envy.
Flash.
Give me attention.
Flash.
Give me a break.
Flash.
Nothing about you is real
but nothing about me feels it
IDidThisToMyself
YouKnewItAllAlong
Everything else I could say
It's all just a story you'd say
and even tho I hated you
You loved me
You still do
but now I've learned
that all along
I was wrong
then the photographer in my head yells:
Give me a chance.
Flash.
I really do love you
In the middle of panic
Burning love at a wedding reception
to think that this was all planned
more than just the catering
and the decorations
the gun
and that you knew all along
Princess Princess, she'd say
"tell me you love me"
and I tell you
and even with you
laying in the hospital bed
I got up and left this all to you
The attention & The bullet
The veils & The vanity
now prove me wrong
give our lives meaning
This was just what I needed