myspace's number one whore (you're not on my top friends)

You accept new friend requests daily
but the one time i have a request : denied
you write blogs about how all guys are stupid
and you might be right cuz i'm stupid for thinking you care
in those blogs you say that love is so fake
but i feel like it's something we can make
and all of these bullshit rules we can reninvent
but you'd rather your time for me not be spent
it's somewhere lost in a page of messages you've read
among so many others that really care
but if i'm not part of this fake myspace royalty scene
then i guess i'm just not worth being real with
you're about as real as your hair
everything about you is fake; extensions, die, make up on your eyes
even that can't cover up your lies
ten years ago you'd have been exposed as a lying whore
but they came up with Myspace now you're just part of a train
and everything about you i knew is just an old account
that you pass off as "someone must have my name"
so this time i can say fuck you and your little game
so take a bow, a few bullets, and all of your fame
cuz this is the last time you can deny anything

my feelings, your excuses, and the pretentious little lie

through the mirror i thought i saw it
a telltale kingdom revealing the truth
and i was you screaming into the glass
and saying something about being vain
but that's so redundant and obvious
take a look at the way you wear your heart
like it's this season's must have handbag
storing names and numbers and thoughts of love
about boys that never wanted you
they only want sex and the sense of something made
you're no special place in their heart
you're a piece of ass, a tropy, a tally, a notch in their bedpost
you're a story they tell their friends
the kind filled with profanity and x-rated scenes
and a few derogatory names not fit for a queen
(but this should be expected)
i mean, when you walk out, guns blazing, makeup shaking
i mean: hips in clubs couldn't even breathe this in
to mean anything other than the oxygen you steal
with every breath you tell another lie
pollute my air and not care
i mean, all of your tainted swears
tearing away at the ozone layer
the reason for global warming is you
and i'm sitting in a chair with that half dead stare
cuz my sleep never comes cheap
my mind works overtime until it gets exhausted
pretty vessels shutting off, blood running thin
the other day when i said "i'll squeeze you in"
wasn't too far off from the truth
i mean i finally got it down
this whole thing about letting you down
sometimes i just wanna say sorry
most of the time you don't say shit
this time i could give a fuck less
you can't blame my "i don't care" attirude
i mean, i only learned from the best

The Truth about Trends:Chapter 1

Most stories start at the beginning, but mine, God knows where it starts or ends.
My name... well, we won't go there just yet, but let's say...it'll make sense in the end.
This story isn't about anything important, like global warming's not important.
The shit in this story is far from conventional, and isn't really the kind of talk
you'd have at the dinner table with family. Various instances of profanity
or scenes of obscurity and vulgarity would make your mom spit out the
food she had fixed for this evening's supper. What a waste of food too.
I mean, what a bitch, who spits out food when kids in Africa are starving?
It's funny because I think I'm right and she's wrong. That's how the whole
world is though. We all think that no matter how fucked up we are, the
ones who disagree with us are the assholes. Sometimes, they are.
Sometimes the people who ridicule us are more than just the
bullies we faced in school. They are a big turning point
or a main character in a story, and while we're not sure of the plot,
they are plotting against us. It's always important to watch
your back, especially if you have no fucking idea where you are.
Mentally or physically. Self-Awareness is the key to creating,
inventing, and reinventing your life. If we don't know who we are,
then how do we know what makes us happy?
How do we know what the best parts of our lives are?
This story is about recovery, reinvention, redefining.
Along the way the story may include a few things
such as: bipolar disorder, split personalities, fashion,
fame, explosives, or maybe it won't include any of those.
This won't be one of those watered-down novels with all of
the good parts taken out, or those kid Bibles where it only says
God made the earth, Adam and Eve were bad, God punished them,
Sodom and Gomorrah was a place where bad people had sex with
each other and animals, they were destroyed, God sent Jesus to
Earth, he loved little children, he was killed, came back to life,
went to heaven, then he'll come back, happily ever after.
Well what about all of the bullshit in between.
Fuck happy endings, there aren't many to begin with, and
the ones that are happy are because somebody thought
it would be cool to lie to little kids instead of telling them the truth.
This is the truth, and it's starting now.
Benton Burns, one of my former friends, now turned famous
fashion designer/entrepreneur/center of attention/medicated psycho
schizophrenic/mentally unstable/whatever.
I remember when we first started to become friends. At the time,
he laughed at the idea of ever becoming famous.
"Fame is for fags" that's what he'd say. But now, as famous as he
is, he must take it up the ass everynight.
You see him on everything now. Bravo Channel, MTV, Oprah,
Maury. He was just on the news today, his upcoming fashion show,
Fashion Freakouts, would be hitting televisions everywhere in the next few weeks.
"Everyone will be watching, will you?"
Unless this is Benton's secret way of encoding his apology to me
all while maintaining his pride and popularity, then fuck that.
It's noon right now, and I'm flipping through endless channels
of what seems to be absolute shit with cameras filming it.
I thought shit was for toilets, not TVs, but I think I'm wrong again.
There's a light spring rain misting outside, and I'm stuck inside
watching reruns of Jerry Springer. I mean come on, God knows
you can only listen to the repeated chants of "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry" so
many times before you felt like you were in the middle of some wierd African
voodoo ritual and you were some pissed off tribesman. Well, the pissed off
part is true, but if by some tribal voodoo ritual you mean my room,
only then you'd be right. That's when a commercial comes on.
It's a commercial for Benton's fashion line Arrivederci.
The bastard's head is so far up fashion's ass he thinks
he's Italian. Texas is definitely not synonymous
with Italy, unless you count the local Olive Garden,
but if that's the case, then everyone's Italian.
So back to the commercial. I'm looking at models
walking down runways that look big enough for airplanes.
Models wearing dresses, skirts, pants, and shoes from
Benton's new spring line-up. I can't seem to pick out one
real person in the commercial. I swear to God it looks like
they've started letting display window mannequins model
the clothes. Maybe it's cheaper than buying crackers for
all of the high maintenance models who would usually
appear in these types of commercials. Back to Benton's
bullshit you can wear, back to the trainwreck that is
Arrivederci, back to the future of fashion Benton
would say. Ten years ago Benton would say "All men
who are fashion designers are fags, no matter what they
say, none of them is straight." Back to now. Benton must
have turned gay I guess. Benton was as fake as the models
he had strutting down the catwalk, the only difference was,
they atleast got free merchandise. Of course he designed the clothing
so I imagine if he wanted free shit, he could get it. I couldn't really picture
Benton wearing a dress or ladies' underwear, but hell,
as I said, he's not the same the person he was 10 years ago.
First, he becomes famous. Then, he's a fashion designer.
To top it he's changed his name. I knew him as Benton.
The world knows him as....Alfredo.
Any other name, but Alfredo. This whole fashion thing has
really gone to his head. Not only does he think he's Italian,
but out of any Italian name, he picks something you buy
in the TV dinner aisle. Benton, i mean, Alfredo, used to be smart.
I guess in the couple years I haven't talked to him, things changed.
I could say the same for myself. Things had definitely changed.
There were so many times that something happened that changed
who I am today. Just ask the pill bottles on my kitchen counter.
Antidepressants were everywhere. It was like a social gathering
of all the over-the-counter brand name prescription drugs.

This would make a hell of a story, but 9/11 beat me to the front page

I missed myself
like an early morning plane
I got out of bed too late
I've waited in line so long
to find myself
and I fell out
now everybody has a piece of me
and I don't even have a clue
I've been hijacked
on the flight back
so God knows where I am
and it's so ironic, damn
Making mentals notes like
"I miss you" or
"I wish you were here"
and the sad thing is
I am
Taking the phrase
To myself
to a new level
to somewhere it should never go
remember the hijacking
well it's taken effect
The airline has a whole new policy
Me lately is the aftertaste
That bitter flavor in your mouth
that you have to drink something
just to make it go away
I am having to adjust
adapt
evolve
die
reincarnate
to the new settings
and whether I know it or not
I am my own hijacker

setting the stage(d attempt at life)

Pumping your stomach
Finding a new truh
well, you lied
and I just can't confide
in anything you conform to
another set of standards
and I'm just trying to reinvent myself
forget the wheel
leave it to Good Year
but I'm just having a bad life
another heart that has gone corrupt
like a cop who smuggles drugs
and isn't on the narc side
a shootout
between me and your friends
this is the end
your scene has been set
The clique
The sound a trigger
and we forgot ourselves
and there's nothing to see here
the back of cop cars
and not knowing why
that is irony
and you got away
you remember everything
and for me
it's just being a part of your story
I finished mine
and now it's back to you
as always
you

Drama Queen supreme (forever and ever)

Not being the center of attention I want to be
versus
Being the center of attention I don't want to be
I am an invisible monster
and I am incapable of loving anyone
and I don't know which is worse
Well which do you prefer?
My finger on the trigger or....
So I admit it
I pulled the trigger
I am the reason I am ugly
inside and out
I envy you
but secretly
You envy me too
and I'm left in the wake
of Chanel #5 and the fire
Estrogen and Aubergine dreams
flicker.blink.flicker.squint
step-pause-step
I'm a model of what not to be
Sorry, Mom. Sorry, God.
or am I?
You're eyes say
overdose (on) baby blue
Darvons and Valiums
Your new best friends
and to think
You don't even want this
Give me jealousy.
Flash.
Give me envy.
Flash.
Give me attention.
Flash.
Give me a break.
Flash.
Nothing about you is real
but nothing about me feels it
IDidThisToMyself
YouKnewItAllAlong
Everything else I could say
It's all just a story you'd say
and even tho I hated you
You loved me
You still do
but now I've learned
that all along
I was wrong
then the photographer in my head yells:
Give me a chance.
Flash.
I really do love you
In the middle of panic
Burning love at a wedding reception
to think that this was all planned
more than just the catering
and the decorations
the gun
and that you knew all along
Princess Princess, she'd say
"tell me you love me"
and I tell you
and even with you
laying in the hospital bed
I got up and left this all to you
The attention & The bullet
The veils & The vanity
now prove me wrong
give our lives meaning
This was just what I needed

Jesus was resurrected after three days, but it takes me four just to fall asleep

Losing yourself is just turning the page
and changing is just a critic away
but if you can catch the joke
before you get the punchline
then you could save yourself
unlike me
I've become the maze
in which I am lost
From careless mistakes
like not making sure
my t's were crossed
and the l's
lead me to this hell
but if you're heaven
then this isn't that bad
this could never be as bad
but maybe
I'm just displaying
poorly presented jealousy
and never writing myself
onto a script
has been my success
and my downfall
maybe a little
well placed period
or atleast a comma
between the last sentence
and the start
of the drama
or atleast a colon
to rest your feet
or rest your head
and have some time to think
or to take a drink
another pill
you know the drill
this is the ending credits
until next time
remember to....
just forget it

too much change or not enough (5 senses short)

Now i'm feeling like
change is something more
than currency in a cash register
but it's based loosely on the fact
that we will always have change
whether it be in our pockets
or in our hearts or minds
and i'm just not sure anymore
what about me has changed
drop a penny in a wishing well
to wish myself well
in a sea of green and greed
and there's nothing wrong
with having money
but when it becomes you
then you should
just maybe
back away
or spend less
or spend more
and turn back to me
into the sea
of something new
something unique
but i lost that feeling
the loss of feeling anything
of anything unique
i'm the dead artifact
of hundreds of people
that lived before me
i am everything
i've ever known
but now i just don't know
and that's how it ends
in the morning at ten
when i fall asleep
to wake at 6
until then
this is my fix

kids like you vs. kids like me (take away your drugs and alcohol and we'll see)

People hate me because of the music i like
and i'm gonna like it til the day i die
and if you wanna kill me that's fine
but it still won't change a thing
they'll still be a hit
they'll still be the shit
so you need to keep your mouth shut
my favorite bands are anything but
whatever you said
i'll replace with amazing instead
calling the shit i like "for fags"
well since when is homosexual
an excuse for what's bad
gay is not a synonym for shitty
but it is an anonym for sad
so you keep hatin like you like to do
ain't one god damn bit of you true
you're the same as me
only you're much more blue
your vocabulary is so limited
it seems it's so fitted
but i guess that's just fitting
for someone so shitty
i might be nice
but my words aren't so pretty
i know this won't hurt you at all
but maybe it's the catalyst
to your potential fall
so just fall

the spring catalog of trendy trainwrecks (how you spend your weekly paychecks)

talk is cheap
love is priceless
but what about i love you
which way does it go
cuz lately you're only in vowels
and i've been
cleaning up grammatical errors
with numerical towels
spend a fortune on a word
that was your best bet
but you lost that (i) bet
this is elegant in a sense
but it doesn't capture true elegance
don't try to be something you're not
i see through all of your fake diamonds and rings
your couture and your fashion are your slings
so spend your pretty pennies on words
that aren't so high in worth
runways going to slow
you just wanna get up and go
but there's a price to pay
to be a beautiful angel
floating high above us all
it takes money not to fall
buy yourself some Louis Vuitton shoes
or something from Gucci that's brand new
you're never gonna be brand new
buy yourself a new black and blue purse
that reminds me of an expensive bruise
just to hide your cheaply produced issues
you couldn't seem as desperate as you do now
you think you've got so much green
you'll never feel blue
but we know that isn't true
we know that not just you
it's me too
the world's so worried about looks
that it's let itself go
and the people you know
they're the same way too
they judge people so much
calling people like me out of touch
but on the opposite
my sense of touch > theirs
who cares what they wear
who cares what anyone wears
it's a part of the look they call theirs
fashions just some legal drug
over the counter
you've forgotten what's love
this is another trend
you think it's a friend
it'll be out of style soon
the fall line's coming out too
in a few weeks
that purse will be a dead artifact
laying in your closet
the queen of couture
is not synonymous with
the queen of tact
too busy
in negotiations with her feet
she forgot
the war in the Middle East
her war is waking up
and fixing her hair
the mirror vs. her stare
but nobody cares
we forgot her years ago
her fashion died too
and years later
even though you may hate it
fashions still a flu
and i'm not sick anymore
you're still whoreable
it's a disease for you
if this is cancer
a new handbag's the cure
but you're going to waste
and take your couture

a few quotes i call friends

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.
A. Sachs
He not busy being born is busy dying.
Bob Dylan
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway
If y'all fresh to death, then I'm deceased. Kanye West
And I know I'm paranoid and neurotic, I've made a career out of it. Thom Yorke
Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight. Johnny Cash
We are not the sum of our possessions. George H. W. Bush
It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs. Dane Cook
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money. Robin Williams
In the world we make good as evil and evil as good. James Caviezel
My significant other right now is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personality disorder and self-obsession. Joaquin Phoenix
Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there. Will Smith
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know? Ernest Hemingway
There is no rule on how to write. Sometimes it comes easily and perfectly; sometimes it's like drilling rock and then blasting it out with charges. Ernest Hemingway
All morons hate it when you call them a moron. J. D. Salinger
Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism. Chuck Palahniuk
More and more, it feels like I'm doing a really bad impersonation of myself. Chuck Palahniuk
The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage. Chuck Palahniuk
Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking. ~Clifton Fadiman
If a man had as many ideas during the day as he does when he has insomnia, he'd make a fortune. ~Griff Niblack
When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake. ~From the movie Fight Club, based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk
Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people. ~Martina Navratilova
Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~Ernest Gaines
Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality. ~James Baldwin
Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?" ~John Stewart

for today's weather forecast, there's a good chance of falling asleep

Forgetting words
it's a common curse
at the top of my tongue
like the trigger of a gun
with shaky hands
and a stiff throat
and i just can't remember
what it was i was gonna say
so here's to the night
well this day
no sleep
just the sounds of the south
tired eyes seeking sights
but losing everything
that was never really there
the sun has risen
and my eyes are falling
so until next time
from a house in a quiet cove
to the bright blue sky
i feel just like you

with a grin on my face and a banjo on my knee (since when did i become country?)

Another dying chance
live this dance
and i'll keep you close
but just to toast
to show the most
i hope this goes
south for the winter
but flocks of geese
have already beat us there
so who really cares
it's so easy to say
we're ashamed
but who knew
it would get you fame
i stayed myself
i'm on a shelf
now
of course

if i could dream, well i'd dream about you, whoever you are

i wanna keep you calm

lay with you underneath the palm

coconuts overhead

sleeping, dreaming in bed

about a tropical island for only two

it's just me and you

we're laying in the sand

laying hand in hand

kissing with careful lips

hands across careless hips

sun beating on our faces

it's easy to find love

in these types of places

keeping steady paces

pulses in perfect time

i'm giving you this rhyme

so wake up
it's time to start this day
but please don't go away

liar liar (you're tongue caught wildfire)

so your scattered showers
have once again
put out my sunshine
once again
what a true friend
shouldn't do
well who knew
it wasn't you
i trusted you like Judas
who knew this
was how friendships sank
or restarted
and just to think
i thought i knew you
but just to show
no one knows
who will dig them for gold
like they're going broke
and they say next week
we meant nothing
the greatest lies
are between friends
and love's just a myth
a midnight fairytale
so children will forget santa
a lie so almost believable
that some die for it
the best brewed bullshit
hugs and kisses
happily cover up
this lie
surprise
she meant nothing
so we'll just drink to this
and she'll once again become a miss

the milky way of making money and no sense (and friends and enemies for that matter)

old stars creating new sensations
undiscovered and quite shy
like she used to be
before she became the talk of the town
and became hotter than global warming
but you couldn't blame her
i had my chance and i blew my fuse
sparks flew and punches too
but i got him on his back
and all she could say was
"you are such an asshole"
intended downfalls
potential uprisings
i have been promoted
now she's my number one competitor
tomorrow will tell
top of the stocks
kick your shoes off
lose your socks
turn on your insides
and relax
sleep will be here for you shortly

the after monday martyrs sale

she says to me
"it's a mystery
i just miss us
our perfect history
it was burnt down
the ashes created
my asthma attack
nothing good
not one damn thing
came from it
no lessons were learned
except that love hurts
and now we've grown old
and alone
and we're dying on opposite sides of the country
we never really got over each other
well i did and i'm sorry"
i feel nothing inside
and there's a puddle of tears on the floor
and now that i've cried
i can't cry anymore
so just forget me and go home
i need new enemies
so leave me alone

America, the land of greed (and bullshit and apathy and....etc.)

fake the parade

play the charade

you're the hero

America's finest

you kill the underdog

and drown the downtrodden

taking one for the team

well, take two

the money and the dignity

of millions

and it's justified

in God's name

we slay

well you're not

not a hero
but nobody here is good
America the excuse
America the falsely righteous
America the absolute(ly wrong)
America the beautiful(ly untrue)
I'll stand against this nation
Call me the outlaw
Call me the traitor
I am...awake
I have seen the lie
I have found truth
and in my discovery
I have switched sides
I am now the enemy
but it's no worse
than being the fogotten
the outcast
Being patriotic
for me
is chaotic
ready for change
America isn't
America is still
the same
racist
fascist
prejudiced
a nation of fakes and liars
who are normal
but i'm not
I am no clone
I prefer to stand out
and if it kills me
who cares
I'm no fake
at the end of the day
I'm myself
at the end of the day
you're everybody else
You make no difference
so lay there and stay still
that's what everyone else
is doing
you're done
salute your Untrue Statements of Apathy
but i will never trade in my flag for yours

kingdom come (will you be done?)

She says
it's so easy to hate you
and that's their excuse
it's easy
but it's hard on me
take one for the team
i lost my dream
it's medicine
it's a secret cancer
every cell is dying
caught in the wake of
fake friends that don't love

another girl
she says sorry for what the other said
but her apology
is a ready to buy impersonal Hallmark card
I wish there was some sincerity to it
but it's another cheap piece of bullshit
these days nobody's more a fake than you
I'm fake, you're fake, everyone's fake in some way
I'm not so much a fake the way they are
but I don't remember who I am
but I'd like to think I do
I'm fake in the robot kind of way
cheap s(k)inthetics

The reason to breathe has become just breathe
living has become just a hard habit to break
but there's really no life there
another song and dance
on mute
that's your life
and mine's going nowhere
welcome to loneliness
population: one
atleast I'm my own fucking mayor, my own king
but there's no queen
toast to a life of never having anyone
and cheers to my recent achievement
I found out that nobody is real
this is just a bunch of lights.camera.reaction

answers in a solitary state of being

Chocolate aftertaste
Love side effect
and to tear it apart
that's the afterlife
break a cancer
start a cycle
suffer senses
no flesh failed
but it survives
torture
it is torture
rescue
a cure
a soul
send something
say nothing
be someone
forget everything
that is your life
this is my story
this is our curse

administering anesthesia to the shit talkers (just sleep on it)

Apathy
mapped out so you can see
hitting assholes like it's a damn plague
the good in them is very vague
Well she says she can't see the good in me
like it's a dead fad, milk that's going bad
I'm covered in sour, dead skin
hands congealed with beneficent sin
so now my invention becomes my intervention
my parting becomes the biggest party of the year
hearing that makes me wanna stay right here
but I can't, I'm not part of the afterparty
tell you what look here mister smarty
you ain't half the shit they say you are
and as for you and your fancy car
you can wreck that shit cuz you're dead so far
man and machine becoming best friends
that's another one of them futuristic trends
and when one of them bends
the other has armies he sends
robots flying airplanes
dead man skin coated on trains
you can only live when this all dies
sever your otherworldly ties
snap back in the game, focus on the frame
this is all too much, another headrush
I'm so busy trying to be a savior
but you know I really can't save her
or anyone for that matter
it's just a shame to know I almost had her
and look at me now, mad as a damn hatter
when I go, I just hope my head won't splatter
let my own offing be my offering
as a sign I meant peace
watching a fast motion movie that needs to be freezed
send out my salvation station signals
all the war torn cultured clients vs. the carefully conditioned lawyers
like this whole thing was some Jesus
God would never send such graphic signs of grace
this is the time where you change or save face
I'm an inspiration for good born in the wrong place
like an angel in hell, or a innocent man in jail
well does my controversy help sales
or the fact that I always fail
no success to address, far more worse than you'd bet
well they put my mistakes on a cross
look at what he's done, but it's just their loss
one day they'll miss out on the gameplan
watch their face as the camera pans
to the right, they have been left
like a national epidemic of identity theft
you aren't who you thought you were
now the rest is a blur
seeking redemption in a river
no one here to baptize you
caught in the moment of your chastized view
you're hell sent, trying to be heaven bent
but that's a false imitation of what Jesus says
and if he does, he's another bullshit president
and I think it's evident
if he's got hate in his heart
then hypocrisy's one hell of an art
but that's where this ends, and my journey starts
Game over.Restart
Reincarnate.Get real
Loss of touch.feel
Bad case of dead skin.peel
Maybe some day you can.heal
but it's not today
my life's a deck of cards. I'll deal
so in closing I'd like to say
I wish this could happen some other way
but you won't be seeing me after today
a blessing to most, like singing the fray
to the ones who actually cared, I'm going away
a permanent vacation in my own isolation
provisions of various divisions
all look at me, tell me what do you see
well that's what's wrong with being free
you can say whatever you want
but you don't know shit, you're so dilettante
this is goodbye, nice life, maybe I'll be back
like a patient under the knife
I appreciate your attention, this is goodnight
(if criticism is like alcohol, go light)

controversial and consequential (no shame in telling the truth)

slavery in more than one way
over every love i've ever known
in some sick sense of the sort
stated recantments
chants so vague
the sound vs. the shape
and we're left to feel
left to heal
but there's too many
not everyone can be
well... not everyone
but some of us
even though our sight is bad
our insight is 20/20
now inside we're over
over and over again
lifted from ourselves
temporary comfort
found in make-believe
could he have known?
well i'm no sin
only a sinner
but the lines have blurred
The patron saint of practiced sinners
my iniquities are like daily routines
the patron saint of perverted sexuality
a pornographic way of keeping myself sane
I am the king of counterfeit compromise
like the bear and the human burying the hatchet
I am the bishop of bipolar
me and God have a lovehate relationship
something inside oddly divine
in a mind elevated to the state of Hell
diplomats are currently in negotiation
while bombs are overhead
a change of scenery
a chain of events
a chance of rain
a charade of charismatic caricature
a crusade of cleansing karmatic conflicts
so as you begin to die
you have the world
we are the pawns of everyone we've never known

Excuses won't cut it (but we will)

Voices like small planets
The power to change
The power to destroy
The power to create
Life
Another illusion
Manipulation
A map with a red x
You can speak reality
You can speak truth
You can speak lies
Your tongue
A multi-purpose weapon
A cure
A cancer
A knife
A medication
We all have these
We all cause these
We are side effects
Karmatic policy
What goes around, stays around
Lose focus for a sec
Open your eyes
Hey blurry world
I missed you

Dead robots inside of living skin

In a world I can't create
Adapt
Become the scenery
Exhausted
Fumes from within
Change
Become the unreal
Divine
More than you think you are
Betrayed
The truth is....
Isolation
What you learn
Inspire
At the most
Alone
You are the lie
Apathy
I am the liar

Next time you look at a crucifix, think of me

Laying in bed
An empty feeling in my head
The talks not enough
It's never love
We adapt to our own lust
but everyone else's must be hushed
It's a sin to think that way
but you're not God
Human error
Divine intervention
Mathematical equation
Me + Salvation = 0
No chance
subtract or add
The number still the same
isn't it a shame
born as outcast with a name
This determined my life
constantly under the knife
Do not move
Your closed mind crashing smooth
I am on autopilot
The original soul is lost
Somewhere in the past year
I have found my cross
Earth's total population
makes up my crown of thorns
Or you can call me the devil
and everyone makes up my horns
but you are all still the reason
Savior or Satan
for who I am

Ten ways to get to heaven (and still feel like hell)

I am undefined
I am no longer blind
Skin can peel
I can not heal
I am now fake
They are real
If it this is what it takes
if it means the aches
the hurt that I know
that is my life
Will it ever show
this isn't right
Another night
Another fight
They win
I'm sin
Write me off
Enjoy your fall
A wasted savior
I could have won
Permanent Hell
is never Sun
There are no flames
but it is a fire
It's being insane
and being higher
My mind is open
like a cut
My soul is tortured
threatened shut
Bones lose their white
as dark clouds saturate
Inside myself
a fight so intense
I can't exaggerate
Choose sides
Joy vs. Melancholia
Sweet mistresses
from which I have learned
and love
Tonight
another night
like a crucial tactic
in a war
between myself and I
may we get it right
pray first
die later

The Constitution never said apathy was a law (but it seems like it)

Another American dream
Another country's nightmare
We sit around and scheme
as nations sit and stare
Our finger on the trigger
Your face in our way
The death toll gets bigger
and we're heroes at the end of the day
Presidential Bu(ll)sh(it)
Just give me a break
Another injust bullet
the bodies in the lake
Unquestioned States of Apathy
Unseen Signs of Alienation
Useless Society of Assholes
We call it the USA for short
Criticism, Ridicule, and Daily Crucification
are what we call normal sport
I've learned this in isolation
Alone by circumstance
This is my destiny
Free from a natural trance
I found the best in me

Hell on earth (on the tip of my tongue)

The aftermath of Hurricane Me
In the state of Hell
Total Devastation
The devil waits behind the door
Hell is my worst decisions
It's an emotional fire I can't put out
There is no pit
There are no real flames
The burns you feel
are everytime you realize
This won't go away
In this state of mind
True Hell is here
Any attempt to get out
is another reason to be here
Another rip in my spine
Another example of what not to do
I am the Devil
This is my Hell

The forgiveness of my sins (a bottle of xanax)

Churches are the hospitals for sinners
Everybody wants to be closest to the preacher
He has the cure for them, He's bringing Jesus
Some people are in for intensive care, others for checkups
Hospitals can operate the same way
Churches for the sick
The doctor is their preacher
Surgeries are miracles of God worked through well-trained doctors
Some people are looking for God in prescription pills
Our infected sense of ourselves crave antibiotics
School is neither of these
Everybody accepts their sickness and sin
They use it to get what they want
They judge those around them
They're the reverse lepers
Instead of facing ridicule, they do the ridiculing
I have a medication, a prayer for them at the tip of my tongue
but I'm the one who needs medicating the most
My bipolar skin craving the cure
I am crucified daily for my condition
Am I the Jesus of The Jaded?
The Mohammad of The Mentally Ill?
The Ghandi of "Get over yourselves"?
The Savior of The Sleepless?
The Messiah of The Misunderstood?
I'm just trying to quarantine the close-minded
I don't care if I'm the open wound
I think God would want it this way