Vogue magazine's number one reason to kill is....

Murder is your new fashion
cuz dying of old age just isn't new
we're all going out of style
slowly but surely
replaced with someone else
this is how it feels
to be a display on a shelf
so forget to feel
remember to lie
take a sip of something filtered
this is only step one
we've got more to go
baby, this means more to me
than any gossip
and that's not saying much
you're not getting through to me
i'm just listening for the sake of sound
invading spaces once considered sacred
and shooting more than just pool
this is a rumor with a view
my exit has been sealed off
let's try this one more time
turn off the lights
get undressed
let's make a checkmark under the sheets
this is where we end up each time
after the fights in public
and the private pay off
here's a tip for you
next time you should leave me guessing

Late night reruns (sounds a lot like us)

This was never meant to go too far
more like a leashed dog on a tree
and now that you've lost me
you're giving off steam
and you're answers also seem
to be as much to my deceit
and i'm sending a signal
not like a bat signal
more like a hazard signal
cuz i'm coming to a stop so fast
that this just won't let this day leave last
and i'll be checking out of life soon
just so you know, don't swoon
blood on the dashboard
and teeth in the steering wheel
this is where you have to decide
deal or no deal

Burning the budget (no need to be reel)

When I say best friends, you say liar
best friends
liar
best friends
liar
letting the fake friends in the backdoor again
sneaking through my mind like I know you shouldn't be here
I shouldn't be awake
we're temporarily working on that
insomnia makes me feel this way i do about you
someone pass me the anesthetic, you hurt too much
the heavy eyelids slip on the corneas and seal the deal
like a vault, and you're trying to crack the code
the dialtone must have done the trick
i'm awake now and crunching numbers like my neck
the sounds of me becoming desperate
they make me want to beat the fuck out of myself
but i could never hurt myself as much as you can
you're the cancer that has made a name for itself
there just is no cure, we did what we could
and you're a famine sweeping my generation
we've grown hungry and thirsty waiting for you
and when you finally decided to show your face
we were starving and we couldn't see
just how bad you could really be
and I'm lost among thousands of others
we're waiting here cold and coagulated
and blood's just never enough
and we're dying for love
and saying we found it
just to stay alive
but we're only faking it
this only looks like reality
we are all just a bunch of zombies
and the only real thing I have left
is a bunch of traumatic memories
and a few scenes of dramatic dialogue
you could call this just a play on words
but I'm thinking more along the lines
of the big screen

The fortune and fame (paying the price for being so ob(li)vious)

It's all here on script
everything anyone has ever said
and the latest installment
I call today
installed disappointment
well that's been this show's theme
this show called My Life
and all of the cheap actors
I call everyone I've ever seen and ever known
and the reason some don't talk to me
is they're just lowpaid extras
but nothing comes extra for me
everything is just a small dose of a small dose
I'm asking for a few more lines to get by
cuz there's just a feeling in the air
that the audience has begun to not care
this story's going nowhere
and rumors of a cancellation
circle around my eyes
and crash into my aching ears
this is something no one wants to hear
but today if you turn off your TV
what does that mean for me?
it means I'll still be alive
but my ratings are dropping rapidly
and I don't see how this can be
I rehearsed every line so heavily
I forgot everything so easily
made up for it by making out with you
which quickly turned into the emergency
head out to the exit doors in this scene
I'm there bleeding on the floor
can't believe I fell for this again
I said I wouldn't anymore
I believed another pretty (tragic) whore
the critics have found every mistake
let's have one more plastic take
another moment that I'm left
here in the floor as a bitter fake
who couldn't find the truth
the eyes of the director
give cold glances that destroy my spine
the chills that he sends through my veins
feel like ice water pouring thin
and all of these episodes
have come to a dramatic, but predictable end
now that this show's over
where do I go cuz I'm not dead yet
Life can end without the body dying too
my soul's on permanent vacation
with all expenses frayed
torn on the sleeves of the American audience
I have become a slave
and saying goodbye right now
would be perfect, but pointless (just like me)
so now that this is over and I'm off the air
like a feather from some bird who doesn't care
say you're sorry or say it's just me
but I've given you this last chance
over and over and over again
it's so discouraging to see
that my enemies were once my friends
this little hot studio in an LA lot
is burning down with all of the film
this show will never make it to
anybody's TV in their bedroom
and now this burning building
will become my well paid off tomb

A lesson in learning (Today we learn the truth about girls)

I'm starting to notice
that every girl is the exact same
kind of problem
that I will never be able to solve
and I don't care to
cuz they're always bitching at me
and I don't do shit until then
Wanna scream at me
bout some bullshit reason
that you can't see me
and I know you're trying
to bullshit your way
through the day
say the same old lines
about how you're so
tired of guys
but you're a little slut
fucking them all
you say it's just sex
but that's why you hate guys
cuz that's all they want
but that's all you'll give them
you're a bitch, it's a fact
and Webster should've known
when he wrote that definition
cuz if i could go back in time
I'd give him your picture to put along side the words
but it's nothing, you're so much worse
bitch just doesn't begin to cover it
and I think even Hitler would've hidden
under his desk and started praying
and all of this shit i'm saying i swear to God it's true
so let me look at you and the way you do
make out with all my friends
and then tell them i've been talking shit
now i'm getting messages from them
saying that today i'm gonna get hit
and i didn't even say any of that shit
a good blowjob is your way in and out of everything
you might as well fuck 5 guys at once
cuz that's the kind of slut you, the worst by far
and all of those guys i once thought were friends
they believe that your nookie's a fortune cookie
and they just won't listen to me anymore
they've got a case of a parasitic whore
latched to their dicks, turning tricks
it's not just for kids
and you've made sure
that i'm nothing anymore
this town already hated me
now that you've started this
they want me dead
and tonight i think they plan on
putting a few bullets in my head
da da da da dee dee da
la da ta da da lee dee doo da
that's the thing i should've said
you wouldn't understand but
it's all i seem to think about when i see you
an agressive techno inspired murder
where the shotgun blasts to the beat
tonight was made for fighting
and your hair looks so inviting
i might just pull it all out
your fake ass extensions
are no extension of who you are
and if they are, they must be bitch like you
cuz now that i don't care, i can swear
testify to the courtroom
that I am glad I never kissed those lips
I'd be hooked, worse than crack or cocaine
you go past the nose bleed
make my brain shut off at random times
I need my mind for these kinds of rhymes
I'd be sitting in a bathroom
smoking you, later on cutting my wrists
banging the walls with my fists
turn a deeper blue, a purple mix in hue
nothing about you is original
and i could say the same for myself
the product of everyone('s favorite failue)
so shake your hips like this is so disco
and bang bang your hips to the side
like this is a wild west horse ride
your guns are no match for my words
I'm really (not so) sorry if what i'm saying hurts
because I know that feeling
Saturday night my confident skin was peeling
you burnt me so bad
and I never got a tan
not to mention I've lost my upperhand
to think we never even had a one night stand
not even there for a minute
maybe over the phone, my second home
you lied to me, it's where my heart is
maybe it's disfunctional, but who cares
and now I just wanna damages your stares
make me something I never wanted to be
but now this is over, and be glad you'll never know her
girls like you are the reason for guys like me
and in closing, I would just like to say
that you'll never be on any of my thanks list any day
and in my words in the future, I'll just replace your name
your movie will have big name actress who could care less
it's just a paycheck, you were just a raincheck
and it's only sunny here so that means
this.is.good.bye

SniperScopeSomething

Anytime I have to be around you
is just another time i'm exposed to cancer
I feel it in my veins
Almost like I feel the little mistakes
swim through my blood
like sole survivors searching for ghost ships
sunken and unsuccessful
radar redemption lost in reverie
my little knockout naps
are really ruining everything
all of my fame
has turned into infamy and shame
and the only thing i've got going for me
is a bullet between the eyes
i just need to keep it safe and stay awake

i don't usually write happy songs (about dead girls)

Here we are again
Wasting another weekend
in bed
she's over her own head
and tonight
these hands won't be alright
mean to hold
had become
a broken mold
of what we are
of what we were
of what she still is
of what i lost
and to think you might
have found some time
but you haven't even
found yourself out
no oh oh whoa
hanging her head up
like an overcoat
her thoughts are too much
like a script that's been overwrote
the pages are covered in ink
you can't even see
what she means to me
i can't remember
return to sender
we'll just count down the rest of the days
of the week from within me
those five days that we waste
just to waste away on the weekend
in bed, in my own head
there's too much time on my hands
the hook is that i've got you booked
this show of affection
treat me like infection
she wrote on a postcard
that had a grave on the front
"i wish you were here"
pretty girls hide their dark secrets
but she let's them be seen
in this moment, this scene
that rivals the big screen
the production value isn't nearly as much
but the realest thing about it is the touch
our lips, our hands, our hips, our rants
this is unlike any movie
and you're not an actress
you're just too damn moody
today, who's it gonna be?
are you gonna kiss another one of my friends
in plain view so i can see
and just hope
you won't be critiqued
but i'm too down
two thumbs down
to even look at you
thank you sunshine
for ruining my night
you make it all worse
when it should be alright
it's so easy for you
to be able to keep your chin up
your head held so high
when i'm the one who's down
the only one who feels like they're about to die
you wrote me out of this little kissing scene
but since when are you a writer
you're so wrong
and you shouldn't mean a thing
i wish i could take your word for it
this kiss
is looks
to be
refreshing
i'm so lost
now that he
has what i found
he's my friend
this can't end
but i'm letting you know
that i'm letting you go
cuz you're just
getting in the way
and if you think that someday soon
all the trains and planes and cars
could make up for your scars
well i'd say go ahead
but your better off out of my head
well remember that grave postcard
i'm just letting you know
that to me
you are already dead

A night out against the town

Sitting here at the show tonight
the local scene is shining bright
and I'm paying for my mistakes
of letting the wrong crowd in
I need to better prepare my VIP list
cuz at this rate anyone can get in
and it's really just a shame
I'm taking away from my name
The mission statement hanging above the entrance
and the club really doesn't care
when everybody you hate's already on the floor
dance the night away
and leave your stress at the door
or more like in my chest
I feel like explosion is definite
and hating you is almost certain for the forecast
i heard you were (a) hit, i'm (glad i) miss(ed) you
well i wish i did, but i was there
like the soldiers staring at Christ at Calvary
2-0
You're winning this
your influence can be clearly felt
mine has choked into a different shade of blue
me vs. a million
the shame is i can't carry this cross
and once i'm nailed to it
it'll be the equivalent of putting the final nail in my coffin
my mausoleum i once called the memphis music scene
and if you find the real me again
just tell me if you see him

a single serving of salvation (and i'm still lost)

This is nothing big
and will never be
but let's just say
if it comes down to
love me to death
or
hate me for life
just hate me
save yourself
that's the Christian thing to do
be an asshole
cuz God said to
in his name
amen

Wave your hands in the air just like I know you've never cared

There's nothing holy about this whole thing at all
I don't care anymore
God is the kind of guy who owes child support
and he's avoiding me like hell
I'm through with everything
I'm just the shit everyone's rushing to flush
me just trying to comfortably slip out the backdoor
hate me or love me, pick hate me
People tell me go to hell
been there, still there, going there
done that, doing that, will do that
nothing matters anymore
if i commit suicide
in my mind, i'm a martyr
"because the only difference
between suicide and martyrdom
is press coverage"
but i've ran out of coverage
no one cares
i'm less of a disaster
and more a sickness
than i thought
no long term damage
i just run my course
then never heard of again
until next flu season
see you there
can't wait

to be < not to be

I'm a decorated emergency
an unmedicated misery
there's nothing to stop this
or reverse this
only a relapse into myself
and what i used to be
is what i am again today
and i've lost everything i've ever loved
and lost everyone i've ever known
and lost myself trying to find them
and losing them trying to find myself
and i'm dying here so slowly but surely
like the turtle vs. the rabbit
but i'm not winning
i'm just another outcast in the crowd
and coming here is so pointless
but i'm screaming look over here
another sad face trying to stand out
i'm just not blue enough tho
i'm not choking so it doesn't matter
wake up
this is all your fault
never said it wasn't
but always say it's not
and now you don't know what to think
and neither do i
let's draw our last lines
and shoot for the stars
but they're shooting back
now make a wish
you've lost your right
there nothing you can say
you're stuck
now use your last line
your last bullet
on yourself
and i'm gone
i won't miss anyone

the prayer for keeping your fake friends

Sainthood has become synonymous with Liar
I will be inducted into the Hall of Patron saints
nver has any relgious leader seen such a qualified specimen
between being practiced in sin
phone sex, porn, beating off, cursing, highest number of enemies
loneliness, a false sense of self-awareness, most lies told
being dead and alive, sadness,most to say, shortest
,ugliest,cutest, angriest, most lied to, most hated, most valuable project
i mean the least just goes on goes on goes goes on goes go fuck yourself
and they were going to be crowning me and congratulating me and celebrating me
for all of them
the patron saint of cute ugly hated short lying jerk off porn watching phone sex fake ass something something
it just goes on and goes on goes on goes on goes on goes on I'm probably going to hell

drunk driver vs. runaway bride

The cure is in
The doctors wait patiently
A step away from success or surrender
say a prayer under the knife
anesthetic sense of aesthetics
sleep induced sense of beauty
you look so beautiful passed out on the operating table
only I can stand to see them cut you open like that
and at the same time I have fallen in love
everything you've ever said stored
is now leaking
and I'm hearing everything that makes you tick
that makes you faint
make you sweat
makes you swear
makes you you
you'll be awake shortly
then you'll be back home
just follow the doctor's five day postop recovery directions
you'll be back to breaking my heart soon
and to think if i really wanted to
you were wide open
now any disease you could have, you could be
is just another way of saying I was right
and my insufficient fear of pulling the plug
has become the biggest decision I have to face
now to end your suspense
and end your life
I'm sorry, but this is goodbye
close your eyes sweetheart
this is for our own (you're no) good
from the insides (hands and thighs)
slow your sighs (dear sore sight for my eyes)
now that we've shared our last kiss
(no easy way to say) you die
keep your friends close
and your boyfriends closer
that saying you always hurt the ones you love
well, it works both ways

My death will be on the cover of Time (maybe Rolling Stones, my agent's working on it)

Here I am
such a primadonna
a pretentious new face in fame
throwing 5 pm fits
where the fuck is my Starbucks frappucino
behind dressing room doors
another televised day in the life of...
a manufactured
plastic
egotistical
posterboy
staring at the sun
just to seem that much more real
that's a little Hollywood movie term
called scene setting
but now that i've seen it
my eyes are shaking
the mirror is a tremor
and I'm staring at something dead, but familiar
where I used to see myself
I see another fake encore for the audience
You would think I would have given up
after each performance
there is no applause
there is no audience
left again to my room
to certain and impending doom
of internet pornography
and suicide threats
on a daily basis
wannabe cocaine shootouts
late night sex runs
this is the life of a celebrity
gone wrong

we're only as successful as the press coverage we attract

Smile
you don't exist
I'm taking pictures
making you wish you were there
when all along you thought you were
now you're a shell
your life's hell
and there's no reason to smile anymore
I thought I knew
but that wasn't you
it was a guide on how to feel real
but it didn't say what to do
once you had been found out
and tonight I swear I found you
and even though you're nothing
you're something
a whore, for lack of a better word
a slut, but you don't want me
so cameras off
and film developed
let's be honest
you're not fooling anyone
and was I really that bad?
cuz I thought I was hard to spot
but you know me too well
just because you invented a new image
in your mind
of me
of who I am
of what I am
of how much you hate me
and how I don't deserve the attention
so if I go out tonight
I'm taking you with me
like a gun like a late start like an invitation
the crashing part is the least of your problems

NHNW

National Hate Nick Weekend
has come to an end
but nobody can forget
the phone sex orgies
or the hidden bitter lover
or the skank ass bitch
or the avoided phone calls
or the blue balling shut offs
or the lonely Friday night mall walk-arounds
or the Saturday night show downs
Sunday with no rest
God got to relax
while I was busy
talking shit
getting in vocal fights with people i don't know
trying to set bitches straight
jacking off
getting into more fights
getting blue balled
and that's just half of it
for everyone else
National Hate Nick Weekend
is National Hate Nick Lifetime
and they're sad my hate filled weekend is over
but I'm glad
but it will just become National Hate Nick Week again
and this is my only way to take a break

There's nothing holy about this ghost

I feel like a walking suicide
I can't count the number of times
I said this was over
I'm leaving
but I'm still here
fucking miserable as ever
but I just can't call it quits
I can't cut myself from the team
the team that is this shithole called
the world
even tho I'm losing friends daily
there's no one left anymore
it's wierd to think
the people who do still talk to me
are pretty much talking to a ghost
I'm dead on the inside
I'm the reverse ghost
no soul, just a body
a zombie
I've been going like this forever now
It's deja vu
It's voodoo
It's the absence of you
and you're gone
so I'm shit out of luck
but I'll keep writing
letter from a ghost town
I miss you

7 minutes in Heaven(before God found you out)becomes a lifetime on Earth(i found you)

You'll never become some holy being
just because you've got your TV
watching the church channel
like you're waiting to be infused with Christ
like some V8 splash drink
with all of those essential vitamins
you know, the ones i'm lacking
and for that i have suffered
and it's not fair that i don't have the motivation
or the faith to get this working
it's been shot to hell
refer back to step one
and repeat
but there's no true love
and i've tried buying it
taking it
stealing it
borrowing it
making it
but it never works
some people say
the world will destroy us all
before we get out
but it already has
and baby
i left a note on the table that says
"today i'm playing jesus
and i forgive you
cuz i know you didn't mean it"
i'm saving you
like an overdosed angel
black and blonde hair
laid back on a table
sometimes even angels sin
and God drops them from heaven
where they land on hospital beds
having their stomachs pumped
that feeling they called heaven
is now just dozens of xanax and painpills
and we're leaving hopelessly hopeful roses
on the foot of the bed
where your high heels lay
and i'm just alone again
guardian angels have betrayed me again
beautiful and stainless
are now
dying and covered in makeup
and to think i thought i knew (you)

a suicidal how to: get busy dying or get busy doing it yourself

I've been lost
guilty by free association
I am whatever word comes to mind
when you hear these words
what do you think of?
mood swings
bipolar
disorder
loss of sense
lack of emotion
apathy
indifference
lost
save yourboy
dead (on arrival)
sleep
another word
and i'd have spilled it
everything i know
about myself
well this body
i am not myself
i am a reverse trojan horse
everything there is
that was once inside
is out
and there's nothing left inside
now i'm just mindover(i don't)matter
aka save yourself and stop speaking

time to pack your bags, you're not going home

Just another day, another case of "i've got the blues"
but not the case of blues that i need
being made in medical facilities
my chocolate factory trip to the pharmacy
over-the-counter or behind-the-back
and "this isn't just any headache"
my head feels like jesus
nailed to a piece of wood
conveniently known as my neck
i feel like a ghost in Pac-man
scattering to regather hopefully
but i feel like one that was eaten
and 100 pts. to the opponent
and there's no such thing
as power-ups for ghosts
separate and float
solidifying would be a joke
just to get to the punchline
that you shouldn't be here
and i've got a shotgun
that says i can't lose

the top story: robot bosses to make assembly line babies

My dreams keep my eyes awake
Dreaming of burning hearts on stakes
and the big bad wolf eats the lamb
heart on a sleeve, they don't give a damn
but it's so easy for them
when you're doing the hard part yourself
all they have to do is play their cards
collect your thoughts and reopen your scars
find what makes you tick
like a clock between every little click
hands desperately dash for minutes
swinging in circles to get your pulse
pacing slightly faster now
a backache with the current strength of a lake
getting sucked into someone's place
taking over future and certain space
to reinvent the human race
change the feature on a forgotten face
and reintroduce it as the way
the person who's getting us out today
but only if you could see
another lie reflecting me
and say it isn't so, go to bed
rest your weary, tired, and insomnia-based head
your ideas will leak in a week
drain the fever of the mouth through which it speaks
let him breathe through his sick nose
let him be known through the lie we exposed
and cast his dreams off, but he's no survivor
he's only a dying case in this day and age
in a college textbook sort of way
investigate and discriminate
what is that makes him sick
and his eyes opened wide and shot out what they saw
a vision of death to all involved
merely past off as "the greatest hoax"
mankind could drink to this toast
and that would be the end
of a civilization that broke when he said bend